Nous sommes les 'Top Chefs'!

Il fait môche.

I definitely chose Bordeaux because it is in the south of France and therefore always sunny and always boiling. Sadly, the 9 weeks that we decided to come here have been pretty rubbish. They've never seen so much rain at this time of year before and Madame told me that she actually had to put the heating on yesterday. She was beyond horrified. 

However, Alice and I decided that we were not going to let the weather depress us anymore - we were going to do something fun and French and we were going to take photos! Rather handily, at the beginning of the week, Caroline (activity organiser at language school) informed us that there would be a cooking lesson with a proper chef in a proper cooking school. Alice and I nearly wee'd in excitement. 

 "Les Top Chefs"

I'm not going to lie, we were a bit disappointed that we weren't given some hilarious French chef hats/aprons, but we made do with the plastic bag we had to wear instead! There were 4 stations (just like MasterChef/Top Chef) and 5 people per station. Frédéric, the chef, went through the menu with us and showed us exactly what to do. We were going to make salmon, mashed potato with chopped olives, and a granny smith apple/lime topping thing. 

We started by peeling potatoes - for everyone else, a simple task. But I had to be shown what to do by the (old) Brazilian woman in front of me. She didn't appreciate my 'hacking at it' style. Next was slicing the Granny Smith apples and making baton shapes, which were then mixed into a sauce of olive oil, curry spices and lime zest and juice. All sounds a bit odd, doesn't it? I can assure you it was scrummy! 

Post-prep:

Mashin'

Frédéric at work

Frédéric made two rules for his kitchen:

1. French is the only language to be spoken

2. Everyone must do some part of the cooking

Sadly, these rules were flawed when it came to me. I was chosen to turn over the first salmon in the pan. Again, a simple task for the average person. But no - I was given a pair of tongs to do my flippin', and failed. The salmon skin was totally stuck to the pan and the (old&fat) Brazilian woman was having a mare behind me. I didn't think to just go and get a proper flipping utensil...so ended up doing this:

Woops.

However, Frédéric soon came to rescue me and show me how it's done...

Phew.

It was ok from then on, so Alice and I took all the obligatory photos for such an occasion:

Including our plate-decorating skills!

Alice's stars

My hearts

Beautiful Alice with the end result!

Proud as punch!

After plating up, we went into the next-door room where there was a long bar-like table and we all sat together eating our creations and chatting in French! We were given a complimentary glass of wine anddddd...

Pudding!

I'm not really sure what it's called, but it was tasty! At the bottom was chocolate mousse and raspberries, then a layer of crumbled up caramel/gingery biscuit (like the ones usually served with coffee), and finally, a layer of cream! Sadly, it was impossible to resist - I think I ate it in about 23 seconds.

Once everyone else had finished we were given coffee. 

And another treat!

Again, this treat was impossible to resist, so Alice and I made a deal to run a bit faster on our run this afternoon! We did just that and even did some 'pompes'. 

(NOT what you think - 'pompe'=press-up in French...promise!)

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Baptiste's Birthday

Yesterday was Baptiste's 17th birthday. (He's the second eldest son of my French fam over here.) I wasn't too sure if they were doing anything for it, but I decided not to impose myself on them as I knew it would be a family affair. This worked out quite well for me as I was feeling a little tired/drunky from Han's dinner on the balcony. However, I had decided to get him a cannelé (a little French cake-thing/speciality of Bordeaux)..so at 11am, I went downstairs in the previous night's make up to get the present-giving over and done with. Or so I thought.

Madame informed me that anything edible will please Baptiste (how alike we are!), and as he was so thrilled with this little cake, I was promptly invited to lunch! 

HOORAY! 

Of course, I didn't want to take advantage of this offering, so I offered to help Madame in the kitchen - and she let me!

We started off with pudding - I was in charge of mixing the melted chocolate and spreading it onto the pastry base. I was even allowed to lick the spoon! The base was a thin layer of melted dark chocolate and the filling was a creamy coconut mixture...

 Tarte chocolat & noix de coco

This went in the oven, which meant it was time for main course prep! She whipped out two pork tenderloins and two more pastry bases and showed me what to do. Essentially it was like a beef wellington - but obviously it was much classier and yummier because it was French. 

This time, I was in charge of chopping and cooking the onions, but sadly I failed as I started to cry. Awks. I settled for washing up instead. Once the pork was cooked a bit, she lay it on a bed of (perfectly) cooked onions and lathered it in a creamy mustard sauce. I nearly dribbled. Then she folded it all up and put a 'B' on it for Baptiste. (That was my idea - clearly I'm very influential in the French kitchen).

B

Pigs in blankets

Once they were in the oven, it was time to lay the table. When I offered my assistance for this part, I was 100% certain that I was a great table layer. Flawless, even. However, all this confidence came crashing down as Madame turned all the forks over the wrong way - with the prongs pointing in to the table. Still feeling pretty sure of myself, I went to turn them back over, when she started to tell me that that wasn't how the French do it. I couldn't believe my English-ness had let me down. Apparently, by placing the prongs upwards, the forks appear aggressive, and the French no likey. 

Bizarre. 

peaceful table laying

I think I managed to redeem myself with the choco-coco tart decorating though!

For drinks, we had champagne with sirop de châtaigne (chestnut syrup), and it is so so tasty! It's clearly a special occasion drink, as I had it at Madame's birthday supps too.

(Can anyone spot a non-agressive fork?) 

Everyone was called down when it was time to eat, and oh my did we eat. We had a starter of giant white asparagus things. (I would have taken a photo, but it's just a giant white asparagus, so I felt it was pointless.) This was of course followed by bread for mopping up any sauce, which was then followed by the pork pastry surprise!! It was absolutely delicious and due to having four hungry boys, Madame always makes extra for second helpings! (Clearly they're my kind of people!)

As soon as the last piece of bread had gone, it was time for pudding and presents!! (They thought it was crazy when I asked what presents he had received in the morning - "Presents must be opened with cake!")

Cuties.

Can you see that pink thing she's holding?! 

THEY ARE THE PRESENTS. 

Poor Baptiste only got three presents - two books and a pair of football boots - and they weren't even wrapped. (I don't think he'd been naughty, that's just how they do it here.) I'm pretty sure I disguised my disappointment well - and I'm pretty sure he didn't consider himself to be 'poor'! I was just a bit surprised/spoilt! 

He seemed very pleased and even read the blurb out from one of his books - which I understood! Hurrah! I am learning and not just eating. 

Kind of..

The chocolate-coconut tart was scrumptious! And apparently it's Baptiste's fave, so I'm not feeling too bad for him now! This was another time that I was thankful for Madame having four hungry boys, as the helpings are mahooosive. And now so am I. 

I am aware that every single blog I have written has been about food - I am. But I'm not sorry. I'm not even going to blame it on the rubbishy weather...I challenge anyone to come and live with my lovely Madame and try to resist this scrumminess! 

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Bellinis on the balcony

Yesterday ended up being one of those days where everything is fun, but nothing was planned. 

The day started off SO well. (I'm sure you've all guessed that food was involved.)I went downstairs to have breakfast with my French family, and oh my, did we have breakfast. I peered into the kitchen and saw a huge spread of croissants, baguettes, jams and coffee laid out on the table.

Heaven.

To accompany my croissant, I had pear and orange jam and a political discussion. I preferred the jam.

Felt weird taking a pic..

so I googled it.

After brekkie, I met Alice and we went down to Marché des Capucins. We have been before, but it was so much better this time as there were people everywhere. Proper hustle and bustle of a good French market. 

It's not just a market though as they have loads of cute little tapas bars and cafes dotted around - fresh as fresh can be!

 

After a good mooch round, we had a quick coffee in Place de la Victoire. The weather wasn't great, but we sat outside anyway because we're British and that's what Brits do. We then went to the Cathedral to have a spot of packed lunch. 

At this point we became a bit lost for ideas as to what we should do next. As it was Sunday, nothing was open, so after a brief stop to buy a cannelé for Madame's son's birthday, we decided to go for a run.

Proof.  

However, just before this lovely run, Hannah announced that she was back from her beach hut...so we planned an al fresco dinner!

On the way back from the run we investigated the epicerie nearby which happened to be open and came to the conclusion that 3.40€  sangria and champagne was the way to go. It was.

Sangria on the terrace 

We all chipped in with various ingredients and Han created the most divine stuffed peppers, while Alice made the best pesto dressing in the WORLD. 

Oooh scrumptious!

Hostess with the mostess 

Peach bellinis

You might be thinking that this was just a simple evening with three gals and a few peppers. But it was SO much more than that. It is impossible not to laugh every two seconds with these two around. I don't care how cheesy you think I am - I LOVE THEM. 

 Bordeaux babes

We spent the rest of the evening chatting and drinking - coffee! A top top evening. So brill that I won't mention that Alice and I got lost trying to find the bus stop and ended up walking 2.5 miles home. No, won't mention that bit.

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HAPPY 20th HARFY!

One of my oldest friends is officially twenty today. Twenty. 

We have been friends for twelve whole years, which makes me feel so grown up. 

Twelve whole years!

I decided to create a little post to say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARFY!

There are probably a million stories I could say about me and Harf fighting crime together since the age of 8. 

One that springs to mind straightaway is probs mine and Grace's decision to camp in the loos one night, aged 9. Harfitt, being the good future dep dep that she is, told us to stop it. (By standing on a loo herself and peering over.) Clever.

This of course resulted in Mr Jones bollocking all three of us with Harfitt saying, 'Sir, I was just going to the loo..'

His reply: 'Well you've got a JOLLY good aim.'

haha.

While Grace remained cool as a cucumber, Harf and I managed to wet ourselves in fear. His shouting felt like bullets!

we made it through though

Harf managed to be a hindrance as well as strength to my life. See, she would always always invite me round to her house for exeats etc (so often that I still know her phone number and address off by heart. I'm not a creep - I've known her for twelve years, don't you know?)

Anyway - as a result of this, her babe of a mum would buy me so many treats that supermodel Harfitt could resist, but sadly, I could not. I am convinced that this is the reason I was unable to stride down the lacrosse pitch alongside her like a pro. 

However, although Harfitt may have limited my sporting career in winter, she had my back in the summer time for the Girls' doubles tennis comp. Even though she should have chosen anyone else in the world in order to have a solid chance at winning, she agreed to go with me. 

After some supportive 'nearly Jess!' and 'just run a bit faster next time,' we both agreed that I should stay at the base line so that she could tactically smash all the volley's to win the competition. 

The plan worked. 

One of my discoveries chez Harfitt:

Beach babes

Tanny!

Ballin'

Although this doesn't seem like twelve years of lovin, it would be impossible to tell it all. However, twelve years of Harf has been beyond hilarious and I'm sure there are many many many more to come. 

Happy Birthday Harfy!!

Hope you have a cracking day..you deserve it!

X

Versailles

Thursday was a pretty cool day. I popped downstairs to say bye to Madame before my run and she decided to have a quick chat with me...mainly to invite me to VERSAILLES! 

Ahhhhhhh.

I ran as fast as I could, (not very fast at all) to tell Alice the news. As soon as I got back I packed and ate the biggest lunch of my life. Why? I'll tell you why. French people don't snack. Ever. And there was no way I was going to last 5 hours in the car without taking serious precautions. 

When we got there I genuinely couldn't believe my luck. I am a total Versailles virgin..all I really knew was that there was some big château that you have to see. Didn't realise that this bloody huge château was approximately 30 seconds away from the apartment though. On foot. After 2 mins in the flat, I was rushed out to hunt for a restaurant for supps. They asked if I wanted meat, crêpes or pizza. Sadly I didn't know how to say 'all three' in French, so settled for Monsieur's choice of 'la viande' at 'Bistrot du Boucher'.  

I seriously wish I had taken a photo of the main course, but I was feeling unsure of their view on phone etiquette. I'll just describe it instead.

OHMYGODTHEBESTSTEAKINTHEWHOLEWORLDWITHACHERRYONTOP.

You get me? 

Genuinely, the best steak I have ever eaten with the strongest yet creamiest roquefort sauce. And chips. 

However, everyone knows I am a pudding gal. When pudding arrived there was no way on earth that I couldn't take a photo. I sheepishly explained myself and took a quick snap...

I know. I nearly cried too.

This beauty is called 'tarte fine aux pommes, glace caramel à la fleur sel'. And it was incredible. I have never tasted caramel ice cream like it and the pastry was just the thinnest most crispiest of pastries. Thankfully, Madame and Monsieur enjoyed their choices just as much, so there was no shame in scraping the plate for every last morsel. 

Heaven.

The next day, I had a top brekkie with them - croissants, jam, baguette and coffee. What else?! 

At 8.55 I strolled over to the château for the tour...nice and early to avoid the queues.

Then I joined this...

But I made it!!

I have never seen so much gold and splendour. I also haven't seen a building so huge in my life. You're probably thinking that this isn't anything special in terms of size. However, this is the equivalent of the garden shed. There was so much more to see!

I had three options - either to go to the 'Mesdames' apartments, the gardens, or the 'audio guide' room. I opted for the audio guide as I was feeling pretty clueless. I explained that I wanted it in English and was almost looking forward to walking round in the obligatory tourist headphones along with everyone else.

Sadly the woman forgot to give me some.

And I didn't have my own.

Waa.

I soon realised I was an idiot abroad. Ya don't need headphonessss. Instead everyone walks round like they're taking a super important business call.

Like this:

HAHA.

It was actually super efficient as you could key in a code for each room and then be told all about it. 

However - as much as I hate to admit it, I am a terrible tourist. After 20 minutes I'm bored and feeling hungry. I tried to be intelligent and take pictures of interesting things..

Galerie de glaces

See how big it is?!

But sadly, I ended up taking weird photos. 

Like this Japanese guy acting like King Louis. 

(God knows which one..appaz there were like 100.)

BUT. I persevered and ventured out to the gardens. They have a little train thing if you want to be driven round, or you can hire a golf buggy to get around. I snubbed both options, judging the train travellers for such laziness. It's just a garden right?

No.

It's a bloody huge park.

I wanted the train. Pronto.

I carried on walking though, and for all my moaning, it was super pretty. It was just such a shame that it was so cloudy.

This is the orangerie..no picking though :(

I know some of you are thinking that I am a terrible and un-cultured person. You're probs right. There is absolutely no doubt that the château is totally magnificent and a must-see. However, it is also a must that you take a bud. Selfies are just cringe otherwise. And I love a good selfie. 

Did the best I could.

Versailles itself is great too - but being the shallow person that I am, I just couldn't help but judge it for not being Paris. It seemed like it was trying to be, but it wasn't. 

They do bloody good crêpes though...

I figured this was the best way to end the day...and I was right!

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